I ran right into it all. I knew damn well what I was getting myself into. I said what I wanted to feel but I did not convince myself well enough. I thought I knew how I felt but last night showed the truth. I felt like there was a mirror present to show me each detail. Never have I felt so confused. However, I think meeting and doing such a deed in such a numb state may come back to haunt me but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I feel a lot more closure if I were to get up and leave right now but you never know what change of mind I will have in the future.